Battered by a Battery

I have no illusions of pretending to be a grease monkey. I suppose there are people who are naturally inclined to the mechanical workings of crankshafts, gears and fuel combustion engines. But I am not one of them no matter how hard I try. And I've tried.

So the day comes when you have to change your battery and you think that's it's just a walk in the park, right?

Wrong.

Ok. So you buy a battery from a reputable seller and they give you a bottle of what appears to be distilled water. Just put it inside they say. Fine.

I'll leave out some gruesome details to cut a short story shorter, so I'll just put it this way: the next time you buy an automotive battery and you decide to mount it yourself, take my advice and read the manual. Thoroughly. If the manual says that you remove this cap and replace that and so on - you just do it. In my case, it was mistake number one.

Ok, so now let's put the water in the terminals. No problem. That is, if you don't have a funnel. But you try anyway since you tell yourself "hey, it's just water." Mistake number two.

One of the basic truths in life is this: the moment water, when it comes into contact with the innards of a battery, turns to acid. Greasy, itchy, abrasive, poisonous acid. And the initial contact bewteen water and battery plate releases a pungent puff of smoke that you are advised to stay well clear of.

Another thing worth mentioning is that whenever you fill a battery, make sure that you either do it in the light of day or at least in an extremely well-lighted place. That supposed-to-be-translucent plastic battery shell is particularly useless at night. You simply can't tell if you've put in enough water or not. Mistake number three.

Because of my spirited application of distilled water, and not knowing that the battery is filled until it overflowed, I've got acid all over my hands. And my inner elbow. And my thigh. And my neck. Let's just say that the next time you decide to overflow a battery with water and you get a sudden urge to scratch any itchy part of your anatomy, don't.

Oh and one more thing - don't get the battery's positive and negative terminals mixed up. Your ride will thank you for it.

On the bright side, however, is the instant gratification you get when the battery is finally mounted properly and you turn on the ignition to the emphatic sound of a one-click start that you haven't heard for quite a while. It is wondrous music to any rider's ears and is well worth the price of admission.